Lori Carraway, Ph.D.

WSU Cooperative Extension, Snohomish County

It only takes a second. You turn to tie Jacob’s shoelaces and, at that moment, a heart-stopping wail shatters the calm. With tears welling in his eyes, Kevin raises a tooth-marked left arm toward you. Kevin is Chaima’s second victim today.

Biting is a very difficult behavior for us to handle. It hurts. It can be dangerous. Children get upset and frightened. Parents get REALLY upset and angry...and we dread telling them that their child has been hurt.

Why do children bite? Infants learn about the world by putting things in their mouths. They touch, look at, listen to, mouth, and taste objects to learn about them. Biting down on something hard feels good to teething infants. Most toddlers have bitten another person, but most give it only one or two tries. Some children, however, continue to bite others, even when they "should" have other ways of coping. Biting is more common among children who:

• have very limited language. Biting is a primitive reaction, a speed-of-light response when a child is frustrated. Biting is power for a very small child who has few words and little social ability. Biting stops the action and gets a BIG RESPONSE.
• have trouble waiting or sharing. Children who are new to group situations, lack impulse control, or feel stressed have trouble waiting. Turn-taking is very hard and confusing for them. While most 4-year-olds can wait a little while...at most 3 or 4 short turns...not all 4’s are equally mature. Some cannot wait at all.
• are easily overwhelmed in groups, with too much activity, or when others get too close. All of us have "personal space" limits...most infants love hugging, but others stiffen and push away. Similarly, we have activity-level preferences ...some prefer calm, quiet environments, but others seek crowds and bustling activity. The "wrong" noise/activity levels can intensify stress and frustration.
• seek attention or power. Let’s face it, biting gets BIG-TIME ATTENTION. One kiddo screams. Others get tense. Adults get upset and sometimes do stupid stuff. The child who bites gets LOTS of attention...and all children want attention, even if it’s negative. So, biting pays BIG dividends, if only for a few minutes.
• are stressed. Children can become stressed even by "positive" events: a new baby; moving to a big, new house; grandma’s visit; mom’s new job. With illness, crisis, or family chaos, children need more help to cope, just when adults are unavailable. Sometimes stress shows up in inappropriate, aggressive acts, like biting.

So, what’s a caregiver to do? You might try the following ideas:

• Observe carefully and diagnose the situation: When and where does the child bite? Just before nap? Seated at the lunch table? When another child has her favorite toy? When bored? Only playing with Kevin? Look for clues about what happens just before the biting incidents. Some children give a signal...a facial expression, a gesture, a "frozen-moment stance," before they attack. Watch to see if the child gives clues and stop the biting before it succeeds. Prevention is key.
• Change the routine and the environment: Offer an earlier nap, seat her at the end of the table, get enough toys so waiting and sharing are not necessary, ask an adult to "shadow" her, notice her "good" behaviors. Help her NOT to bite by changing elements that frustrate. Give attention while she is "being good.
• Provide materials and experiences that substitute for biting: Plan plenty of indoor and outdoor materials, equipment, and time for running, playing, jumping, and burning excess energy. Offer ample amounts of playdough and clay to hit, pound, and tear apart. Calm children with finger-paint and warm sudsy water.
• Teach the child to use words, not teeth: Before she bites, say, "No, you may not bite Kevin. Biting hurts. Use words. Tell Kevin to move out of the way. Say, ‘Move, Kevin!’" Or, "Chiama, use words to tell Misty you want a turn now." Be certain to praise her when she uses words, "Chiama, I like it that you told Misty ‘No! Don’t touch the hamster!’ Words work. Good for you!"
• Pay attention to positive behaviors: Notice when she did NOT BITE to get what she wanted and reinforce what she did instead. Observe times when she could have bitten and compliment her on solving the problem with "big girl" actions. Help others notice when she DOES NOT bite and ask them to tell you. When a child tells you, "Chiama asked for the truck. She didn’t bite!" you can respond with specific praise.
• Give your attention to the victim: In a stern, authoritative voice, say, "Chiama, it’s NOT okay to bite. Biting hurts! Kevin is hurt!" Then, turn to Kevin, comfort him, wash the bite with soap and water, put ice or a bandage on the wound. Since adults get emotional about biting, we may punish, lecture, or act even inappropriately. BIG, EMOTIONAL REACTIONS reinforce biting and increase the chance of it happening again. Attending to the victim draws attention AWAY from the offender and decreases her payoff.
• Work with parents of the victim(s): Parents will need to know what steps you took (washing, ice, hugs, etc.) and what you will do to prevent future bites. They will want assurance that their child will not be harmed. Be prepared to offer concrete ways that you will protect the children and curb biting. In chronic situations, parents may join together demanding that you expel the offending child. You may need legal advice if this situation evolves
• Work with parents of the child who bites: Form a clear plan together. Some experts say that these parents have trouble setting limits. So, written materials on parenting, child development, and discipline/guidance might be helpful. Regular parent-caregiver meetings, agreeing on how parents and staff will act consistently and calmly to prevent biting and coaching parents through the suggestions above (e.g., teaching words to use) should be useful.

The bad news is that nearly every childcare setting has a rash of biting at one time or another. And it is a rough time. The good news is that it doesn’t usually last long. Trying the suggestions above may shorten the time and lessen the stress. Consistency and parent-staff cooperation count here. Good luck!