By Lori Carraway

WSU, Cooperative Extension, Snohomish County

Barry is going to the hospital to have his tonsils removed. Judy’s papa is in the Navy and has been deployed for 6 months. Bethany has a new baby brother. Esther’s mom and dad are getting a divorce. Shirley attends childcare now that mom is working full time. Mavis’ grandma just died. David has become scared of the big boys at childcare.

Different children, different situations, but, potentially, similar reactions. Each of these children is experiencing change and may also be reacting to stress.

Stress is the body’s reaction to a demand that is beyond the person’s ability to cope or to a demand that taxes personal resources (Lazarus & Launier, 1978).

While some young children seem to flow with changes, most need adult help and support to adjust to situations that are out of their control.

Some stressors come from inside. A toothache or Chicken Pox usually limit children’s coping resources. Other stressors are outside, but affect us internally. Hearing mom and dad argue can be exhausting and frightening. Being ridiculed by peers can create anxiety, illnesses, and wishes to avoid school. Some stressors are chronic, like living with illness, constant criticism, or frequent abuse. Something stressful to one person may not be stressful to another, because humans place different meanings on the same experiences.

Young children have difficulty talking about what they are feeling. Usually they just react. Therefore, adults need to tune in to changes in children’s behavior. Symptoms of stress might include: withdrawl; daydreaming; temper tantrums; regression to bed-wetting; clinging; preoccupation with monsters or threatening figures; restless wandering; disturbed bodily functions (like soiling or wetting long after toilet training is complete); grinding teeth during sleep; inability to focus on an activity or directions; excessive self-stimulation; aggression toward others; or nightmares (Honig, 1993). Emergence of these behaviors or the presence of several symptoms could indicate stress.

Adults might find the following strategies useful:

a. Model calmness and self-control. SHOW children appropriate, positive ways to deal with stress     through your own actions.

b. Provide body contact. Hold, hug, touch more often and stay closer than usual when a child is stressed. Body contact can provide security.

c. Put predictability in the day: Establish ROUTINES and RITUALS for children to count on. Consistently read a book before bedtime, rub backs at nap, wash hands before snack, and/or give warnings before clean-up.

d. Allow extra time. Stressed children may need more time to complete a task, or to start something new. Give extra time for transitions, offer gentle warnings, and help children change gears.

e. Partner with one another. Parents and teachers can share observations and feedback. They might discuss ways to support the child. They might agree to reinforce coping skills at home and at school. When stress stretches parents too thin, teachers can be superb resources, giving comfort to children and relief/support to parents.

f. Provide nutritious food and time to rest. Stress uses our energy and taxes our systems. When households are chaotic, routines get jumbled, but children still need adequate rest and nutritious meals.

g. Acknowledge feelings. Help children to "talk" about the situation. Accept feelings, despite any discomfort with them. Bibliotherapy (stories that parallel the child’s situation) puppets, dramatic play, and art, can help children express feelings.

h. Help children separate fantasy and reality. Preschoolers use "magical thinking" (I MADE the truck drive by because I was thinking about a truck) and they might feel responsible for a death or a divorce. Joey needs to know that grandpa’s accident did not happen because Joey was mad at him.

i. Decrease competition. Design classroom activities and family outings to eliminate competition. Plan cooperative activities and expect children to help and cooperate. Requiring helpfulness increases "children’s sense of effectiveness and coping" (Honig, 1993).

j. Listen. On a one-to-one basis, find a quiet place, encourage the child to talk, and listen attentively to concerns. Hear what might be threatening or frightening. Help to generate alternative reactions. Help children think about what else they might do in a situation that scares or upsets them.

k. Treat for stress. Sometimes exceptions to routines are needed. Sit next to the child, give him an extra nap, allow him to color during naptime, or lie in your lap during story time. Sometimes, during very stressful periods, we need to do whatever is comforting.

All of us experience stress. When a parent is severely stressed, children are very likely to be affected. Learning to deal with stress takes time, experience, and personal resources. Most young children need adult support, familiar settings, predictable routines, some sense of control, and time to learn coping skills.

References:

Honig, A. (1993) Research in Review: Stress and Coping in Children. In McCracken (Ed.) Reducing Stress in Young Children’s Lives. Washington DC: NAEYC.

Lazarus, R.S., & Lanier R. (1978) Stress-related transactions between person and environment. In L. S.

Pervin & M. Lewis (Eds.) Perspectives in interactional psychology. New York:Plenum.